Beer prices up! German consumption falls! Stay calm folks

In our spare time, the odd hour of sobriety as well as professionally, we're not only "festive boozing consultants" (with carefully hand-crafted-in-the-garage business cards to prove it) but self appointed industry analysts taking the sector's pulse and checking for slow, shallow breathing of the type the gentlemen pictured here might experience if they kept up this activity for a protracted period.

With the buzz from 2007 wearing off and the promise of a brighter and more prosperous 08 (our jobs have yet to be outsourced to humorists in India) we Shark Guys were ready to stagger into the New Year without tripping and falling on the panic button. However we’ve just smashed the protective glass case and wrapped a towel around a hand to stop the bleeding. This is the same hand that would’ve ordinarily been extended— palm out, to demand a traffic cop-like halt to a disturbing trend post haste, or slapped down in a Jeopardy-style buzz-in: "What is beer?: the correct response to the clue: ‘hops and barley prices have risen sharply over the last year, affecting the cost of this vital, lifeblood if you will, consumer staple.’

Our pulses quickened, and we experienced lightheadedness that could not be explained as the result of too many push ups when we confirmed that beer prices were indeed on the rise. This recently caused one of the biggest manufacturers, Anheuser-Busch, a sector benchmark, to raise prices of its mass-market undrinkable swill, Budweiser, to counteract the rising cost of ingredients. This will affect our bottom line, in terms of housewarming gifts, but also because of the trickle down effect to the makers of the high end stuff we ourselves consume.

Speaking of which, in another disturbing trend per-capita beer consumption in Germany, once the world's largest consumer of the drink (and home to a world record, 1284 breweries), fell yet again—the eighth decline in the last nine years. This is of special concern to us, not only because their beer is tops in our book, figuratively speaking, but because its country folk figure so prominently in our actual book, The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death and Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery. The country's Brewery Association managing director predicted the decline would begin to have a negative impact as Germans are inexplicably turning to more non-alcoholic beverages, which does not bode well for us in terms of amassing as wide-ranging a compendium of stories for a sequel.

And what's the situation in Canada you ask? (as writer's block and a spontaneous bout of delirium tremens is preventing a proper segue). Well, AOL Canada recently purchased a limited edition Stella Artois for $15,000 in what the Financial Post reported was "the most expensive six-pack in the world", and across our great land, per capita consumption of our fave legal drug has increased more than 11 per cent over the past decade so perhaps things aren't as worrisome as they appear. Knock on that wooden bar top...A toast to a heavy beer swillin' 08 with this Irish proverb!

"It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow
than to spend tonight like there's no money."