Drunk News Anchor!

It is best, when watching the evening news, to have pre-recorded it. That way you can skip through the horrors of the day and sports (unless you need to collect on Super Bowl bets) and catch only the good stuff like lottery results, the weather and, if you’re lucky, a report on somebody who has just turned 100 but can still dance the cha-cha-cha. The evening news, when carefully edited in this manner, can be almost enjoyable to watch.

Of course, the role of the news anchor is essential to the proper enjoyment of a news broadcast. The entire effect of a news broadcast can be thrown off by a newscaster with a face that suggests he’s 60 and a dyed head of hair that suggests a tin of shoe polish applied liberally. A good set of teeth, as well as age appropriate hair and makeup (and in some cases eyewear or modest head accoutrements – earrings, hair accessories etc – in the case of a female broadcaster) are essential. A newscaster must also be able to maintain a steady, neutral tone, banter pleasantly with field reporters and tolerate the zany weatherman, as well as be able to cough and move briskly forward after having butchered the pronunciation of a foreign word.

What makes good TV news anchors such cool customers? How do they rattle off the news day after day with a straight face and lead people to the (mostly) false assumption that they are actually extremely knowledgeable about what they’re reporting? In some cases, the answer might be that they are not wearing pants, and the cooling effects of this pleases them. In some other cases, the answer is that journalists as a whole are notorious drinkers and they don’t get any more red-nosed than TV news anchors.

A Korean broadcaster recently took a page out of "The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death (and other true tales of drunken debauchery)", or so it would seem, when he went on air to provide sports commentary while soaring a little too close to the angels, drunk possibly on soju, or some comparable form of Korean white lightning. Unlike the Irishman we covered, who was suspended after heaping scorn upon his home country's team and wishing them ill in an upcoming World Cup competition, Lim Kyeong-jin, who should be considered if an international version of the Top 25 Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians is ever compiled, took it upon himself to quit the broadcast after showing up red-faced following, of all things, a celebration to herald a recent win Korea enjoyed over Japan in handball.

Lim had slept following his handball par-tay with program staff, but a lingering drunk stayed with him and by the time the veteran sportscaster was on air he was slurring his words.

The report quotes the following tight-assed Internet commenter, who evidently reflects the popular sentiment: "I understand every human makes mistakes. However, drunk reporting is not acceptable, as broadcasting is for all people of the nation.''