On St. Patrick's Day Even the Crack is Green

On Monday, we presented our Tips on How to Put Some Irish into Your St. Patrick’s Day. Number five on that list was: “Don’t just stop at green beer: On St. Patrick’s Day, not only should your beer be dyed green, but so should your infant’s milk, your pets, your elderly relations and your shrubbery (any exotic species you may have that is not already green by nature).”

What follows may be sheer coincidence or it may point to the fact that we hold sway with a group not often considered a target demographic by any legitimate businesspeople: crack dealers.

Police in Marietta, Georgia arrested five suspects for “peddling green crack on St. Patrick’s Day”. We normally don’t cover the goings-on in the wide wild world of hard drugs, mainly because the book we wrote focused on tales of drunken excess and pound-for-pound tales of crack-rock-induced derring-do just aren’t as funny, however in this case we've decided to make an exception in honor of this festive time of year.

Undercover police officers made two purchases of the holiday-themed crack before arresting those involved in the selling and another pair whose St. Patty's day was ruined due to outstanding warrants.

As to why the dealers dyed the crack green, we can only guess. We would like to think it was Monday's blog, but something tells us that guys hanging around in a van with the back door open for crack selling might not be RSS subscribers. Presumably it was not a customer--service measure either; t'would be unlikely indeed for a would-be purchaser to be handed a standard baggie of the product on March 17 and object: "What is this! It's St. Patrick's Day for chrissakes! Would it have killed you to use a little green food coloring -- to make that tiny bit of extra effort?! I mean it's like you're not even trying more. I have half a mind to take my business to Itchy Elmo next door."

Still though, police did note in the source story that "seasonal crack" has been found in the past -- red crack at Christmastime for example (if you get that in your stocking Christmas day, "Santa" might soon be in for a felony). A more likely explanation is that the crack was meant to pass for candy during a police search. It was a ruse that failed though and the judge is unlikely to give any of the five accused points for creativity or sticking to holiday theme when sentencing time approaches.