An Inconvenient Truth for Boozers: Global Warming Threatens Beer Supply!

Many who saw “An Inconvenient Truth” left the theatre with one clear thought: I need a drink. The motivation for this would vary among viewers – for some it was the idea that they had just laid out their hard-earned entertainment dollar for the kind of thing that should have been on PBS, for others the combination of the dulcet tones of the former vice-president with all those bloody graphs and maps, and for others the impending doom that it preached was right on our doorstep. Regardless, it was nice to knock back a few cold ones when that one was over, blast the air-con, and content oneself with the knowledge that the globe was not that warm yet (this something that Canadians who suffered through one hell of a winter this year would also attest to).

The causes of global warming are debatable –scientists, maybe hoping for an honorable mention the next time the Nobels are handed out, have weighed in on this one by suggesting that it is caused by everything from the Olympic Torch to, uh, gassy moose. But what’s pretty widely accepted is the fact that globally temperatures are rising, and one threat has arisen that could take away one’s ability to relax after watching a film like “An Inconvenient Truth”: Beer is being threatened by global warming.

A New Zealand climate scientist recently said that rising temperatures would make it more difficult to grow malting barley, which as any tippler worth the price of a pint knows, is a key ingredient in beer. The doomsayer told the Institute of Brewing and Distilling: “It will mean either there will be pubs without beer [this makes the depressing Irish tune “The Pub With No Beer” seem prophetic] or the cost of beer will go up.”

That such a scenario could happen in the next 30 years is very worrying indeed, especially for those of us who are accustomed to a “beer crisis” referring to what happens when you leave one in the freezer for so long that you can no longer drink it. New strains of barley that cope better with the heat will need to be developed – double-time you scientists!

But, being the kind of guys who find silver linings on the darkest of shit-storm clouds, let us remind you that some forward-thinking brewers in Greenland got the jump on global warming a couple of years ago by bottling a brew with crystal clear water from what would appear to be an inexhaustible source: the country’s polar icecaps. Water from the melted caps is a key ingredient in Greenland Beer.