Notre Dame QB Drinks Beer! Life of as we know it is irrevocably altered

What do the US, Oman, Indonesia, Pakistan and the United Arab Emirates have in common?

Well, nothing, apart from a legal drinking age of 21, the highest in the world.

To put it another way, the US is the only non-Muslim country we're aware of (though in some parts of the Ukraine, they enforce the age of 21 though by all accounts it's roundly ignored) where to consume a beer, you must be old enough to earn a college degree.

Since many so-called 'student athletes' don't, we figure they just enjoy the college experience (the aspects unrelated to the taking of actual courses), in the limited time that they have.

Members of the Notre Dame football team (seen here) were cutting loose in a rousing game of Beer Pong, a time-honored college tradition, and for some reason, this non-event made its way into the pages of the Chicago Tribune, among others.

Now, to be fair, The Fighting Irish (a bizarre name for a team whose college name translates to 'Our Lady' in French, but to be more fair, being French is not typically associated with fighting anything successfully) have a graduation rate near 80%. This is substantially higher than the coin flip figures elsewhere in the country, some of which are as low as 30% and the team is known for hitting the books at least as hard as those across the line of scrimmage.

Of course, when the rest of us were busy say, studying, we weren't cut admission breaks for being able to run a 40 in under 5 seconds, common practice so that, well, dumb kids can practice.

A Notre Dame football spokesman said Monday there was no comment from the team for the time being, apart from 'Chug, chug, chug, chug!'

Cups Runneth Over: The War Against Beer Pong in Time Magazine

Interestingly, Time Magazine posted an article recently, about the 'War Against Beer Pong'.

Now, we're no strangers to the game, having played it at our book launch, and we're certainly no strangers to writing about it:

For those of you who missed it, click here and here.




Cheers,

The Beer Pong Champions of the Greater Toronto Area,

The Shark Guys

Happy National Tequila Day! (also, Happy Cheap Marketing Ploy Day!)

Well, today is National Tequila Day, a day whose origin we traced back to the maker of a particular tequila, who, in a recent survey determined that "84% of respondents were interested in learning how to mix easy-to-make, creative cocktails with top-shelf tequila", the same 84%, not coincidentally, who were likely given repeated assurances that a free case of the stuff would arrive at their doors if they agreed to such a sentiment.

Here is a handy '5 Tips on How Not to Be a Jackass' when consuming it, from our friends at www.drinkplanner.com

To mark this festive occasion, and to honor Patrick Swayze's heroic battle with pancreatic cancer, we thought we'd share our Top 10 Coolest Bartenders of All Time for those who missed it the first time around.

Salut!
The Shark Guys

[Editor's Note: Apparently Friday is 'National Scotch Day' but since our Google fingers are tired, we'll leave it to you to track down its similarly suspect press release origin]

Sleeping it off in Seattle: Drunk Attacks Cafe Manager with Fireworks and Headbutt

Having not ever set foot in the place, we've familiarized ourselves with Seattle through Conan O'Brien, who had two guys in tower costumes, one representing the Space Needle and the other the larger CN Tower (both since dwarfed by a monolith in Dubai, leaving our fair cities feeling hopelessly inadequate) duke it out.

We've also learned quite a bit from the sitcom Frasier and though it was filmed in its entirety at a Paramount Studios sound stage, we feel that it's given us a pretty good idea as to what the city is all about. Besides, there was one episode, season 5 we believe, that was filmed there and though we didn't see it, it was probably a solid one.

[Editor's aside: It's a little known fact that Shelly Long did not care much for the Frasier character, and initially wanted him ousted from the show---Cheers that is, she wasn't holding a long-term grudge against him on his own show as her career took a nosedive from Space Needle-like heights]

Seattle, to the best of our knowledge is a lovely place. So lovely, in fact, that we've even agreed to promote our book The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death and Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery on one of their radio stations, marking our very first public appearance in the US of A!

[Editor's second aside: Special thanks to the posterior-kicking KISW, 99.9 FM, the very same station that, according to some random drunk warbling Livin' on Tulsa Time in a local karaoke bar, helped launch Nirvana and since we have no way whatsoever to confirm whether this is true, have to take him at his word]

Seattle, fortuitously, has come across our radar this week, as one of our parade of ornery, staggering pisstanks calls the Emerald City home.

According to the Seattle PI, which sounds like a failed Magnum PI spin-off without the glamorous Italian automobiles, reports that a man was refused entry to Cafe Amore recently. Not getting any 'love' at this cafe 'when the world seemed to shine like he'd had too much wine' the guy made several failed attempts to sneak by.

When these attempts failed miserably, the guy returned with a Roman candle [Editor's third and final aside: Did you hear about the happy Roman? He was glad he ate her] and struggled with the manager, who tried to wrest the firework from his hand, during which point the drunk head-butted him.

Next time make a reservation, and if the calamari are rubbery, THEN resort to head-butting.

See you soon Pacific Northwest!!!

Tune into KISW Thursday, July 17th at 4:30 PT, 7:30 EST. [Those left coasters are so laid back, they're 3 hours behind us]

Coffee & Health: This week, it's good for you

This next topic is one with which we're intimately familiar, having written each and every post you've seen here under its influence: but we're not going to discuss absinthe or Haldol today. We'll save those twin joys for another morning. Instead, we're going to talk coffee.

In previous posts, we've examined mixing caffeinated beverages (so-called, 'energy drinks') with alcohol. It's coffee though, as anyone who's ever had to battle a crippling hangover to prep for that morning board meeting knows, that is the original energy drink.

[Editor's note: if you're determined to mix caffeinated beverages with alcohol, try a dollop of Sambuca in your morning espresso, Italian-style, rather than ruining perfectly good rum with some Coke---not that we'd endorse this for breakfast---we're speaking in general terms. However, having a Sambuca in your coffee for that aforementioned board meeting is highly recommended]

If you want to make your heart race, palms sweat and lose all faculties of speech, your best option is either falling in love, or, if a vacation to Amsterdam's red light district exceeds your allotted travel budget, downing a cup of $4 dollar Starbucks coffee.

Studies looking at the health benefits of coffee are equivocal, to say the least, but as with any study, if you're determined not to change your lifestyle/behavior in light of mounting, glacier-like evidence, it's best to simply ignore all the negative outcomes and instead focus on the positive: for example, decreasing one's risk for Parkinson's by smoking cigarettes (despite increasing your risk for just about every other possible affliction you can think of). Of course, not being named Michael J Fox or Muhammad Ali, not becoming a professional boxer, or not slamming your head repeatedly into drywall is also linked with decreasing one's risk of Parkinson's.

In a Spanish study involving nearly 85,000 participants, long-term health effects of the stuff that makes the prospect of 8:00AM classes and a dull cubicle job less gloomy, were examined.

The people who took part in the research completed questionnaires on how frequently they drank coffee, other diet habits, smoking and medical conditions, and hopefully didn't pose too many questions to researchers about any hypotheses, of the 'you mean you guys suspected that drinking carrot juice every week would kill me quickly and didn't TELL me about it?' variety.

Researchers then studied the mortality risk over the period of the study among people with different coffee-drinking habits, and not the 'cream and sugar' versus just 'just black thanks', variety, but the people (whoever they are) who don't indulge. Women who reported drinking two to three cups of caffeinated coffee per day had a 25 percent lower risk of death from heart disease than women who abstained.

It's possible that coffee drinking is linked to a go-getter attitude, of the type that doesn't involve sleeping until noon, and that people who get up much earlier in the day are more likely to exercise or that it's entirely difficult to be slothful when one is jittery, but that is just speculation.

New Coke Vitamin Water (Bottle of snake oil not included)

Tales of Coke's ability to dissolve a set of choppers in a glass overnight or to put a sheen on a rust-stained kitchen sink might be urban legends (we ended up eating the T-bone we had soaking in a vat of the stuff, so we can't comment conclusively on that one, but don't recommend this method of preparation to diabetics), there is no doubt that the soft drink has ruined many alcoholic beverages. As far as we're concerned, Coke is the sine qua non wimp-additive for those who can't handle their liquor, and responsible for ruining otherwise perfectly good rum. You can distinguish the coke-base drunk from your typical drunk by the rotten teeth that accompany his pickled liver in his golden years.

The "Cuba Libre", (or Rum & Coke) as it's known in countries, such as Canada, where freedom of mobility rights extend to actually visiting there whenever you choose, is the world's most popular highball though the "Coke" part is usually abandoned for straight rum by the time the taste-buds warm to it, or when someone turns 17---whatever comes first.

Now, Coke, which was a lot more fun when it was being hawked in the sticks as a coca-leaf infused patent medicine, is returning to its old-timey hucksterism glory days with the introduction of a "vitamin drink" to compete with Gatorade, because when you think "vitamins", your neurons automatically fire "malty, high-caloric, brown sugar beverage".

This drink, Vitaminwater, counts among its high-profile endorsers, fast-break fornicator Kobe Bryant, and a bunch of NBA ballers, who if they were compensated well-enough, would even smack their lips at the prospect of a root vegetable turnip-based libation.

Back in our day, its competitor Gatorade came in a packet not unlike the cheese in Kraft Dinner and was mixed with several parts water on the soccer field , and would've been dumped on the coach in victory had we not lost or forfeited every game.

Apparently, according to reports, this saccharine soylent green currently occupies 80% of the sports drink market, and Coke is looking to get in on the action. Shockingly, according to the website Scienceline, Coke is not putting out the healthiest product on the market. First, some vitamins are water-soluble -- ie they can pass into your bloodstream easily via water, and others are fat-soluble which means you can gulp back as much Vitaminwater as you like, but unless you're washing back a meal, you're unlikely to enjoy any benefits whatsoever. (And if you are washing back a meal with vitamin water, we don't want to have dinner with you.) Moreover, the two heaping tablespoons of sugar that are dumped into every bottle of Vitaminwater will ensure that while you are deluding yourself about the health benefits of this sugary drink, your dentist will be out in his driveway patting down his new Mercedes with a baby's diaper and thanking the heavens for the arrival of Vitaminwater.

Vitamins in the B-complex group are water-soluble, and if you're a heavy drinker, then it's likely that you will develop a vitamin-B deficiency over time. While its claims to producing the "Gatorade of Beers" might be a stretch, at least Stampede, the Texas brewer of a Vitamin-B-infused beer, has got its vitamin basics down.

Toothpaste for Boozehounds: Get your choppers your whitest, with wine, whiskey flavors

For the average boozehound, dredging themselves out of bed and scraping a toothbrush across their hairy tongue, is part of the pre-work grooming regimen (after dousing less than fragrant loafers with the remainder of a bottle of cologne).

The taste of toothpaste though, is second only to a whiff of the previous night's poisons when it comes to potentially launching that morning bagel into an anti-gravity, toilet-bound trajectory.

So, it's a wonder that at Toothpasteworld.com, speaking of gravity, you can procure all sorts of boozy flavors that would turn your stomach worse than a NASA gyroscope.

Michigan dentist and self-professed 'toothpaste collector' Val Kolpakov features American-produced bourbon, whiskey, wine, and for the high-rolling set, champagne flavors.

Why these exist is anyone's guess, as the market

for people looking to give themselves booze breath when they're not drinking is likely a small one and those who are drinking would like to rid themselves of it.

Of interest, Jigger Bourbon Whiskey Flavored Toothpaste, pictured here: The 'refreshing' [source's quotation marks] morning-after pick up. It contains real alcohol - no more than 3% alcohol by wt., 2oz, so if you haven't slept all night, you can refresh your hellfire and asbestos-singeing breath with the flavors of the night before.

Don't forget to floss.

Cheap Beer in Somalia: Website Lists Prices of Pints Around the World

Air travel is becoming more affordable and places that had been shut off from the rest of the world are opening up – like the Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan for example, or Hamilton, Ontario Canada. But what good is visiting another country unless we know beforehand exactly how much a pint of beer will cost when we get there? Thankfully, UK tabloid The Sun helpfully directed the attention of its readers today to www.pintprice.com, a website that allows users to find out the price of a pint of suds in various places around the world.

The website also lists the countries with the cheapest and most expensive ales in the world. Unfortunately, the cheapest beer, 10p (20 cents) a glass, is to be found in places to which your travel insurance is unlikely to extend, like the Congo and Somalia or locales so inaccessible that even the natives have forgotten how their ancestors made the trip originally like Tuvalu in the Pacific Islands. Monaco tops the list of countries that we’ll never visit – there a pint of beer is over US$15.

Planning a summer getaway? Here are some other average pint prices from around the world:

• Go to Cuba (unless you’re an American and not Michael Moore) and celebrate the recent lifting of restrictions that kept locals out of Cuban hotels and beaches by toasting those no longer treated like second-class citizens in their own country with a $2 pint.
• Former Maoist rebels recently won an election in Nepal and many believe that former King Gyanendra might seek asylum in India because he fears for his life. A jar of jam can be had in Kathmandu for $2.05.
• The junta in Myanmar (Burma) will be holding a nationwide referendum on its constitution in May with many critical of whether the Army is truly capable of allowing democracy in a land it’s ruled with an iron fist for so many years. A glass of the good stuff there will set you back a mere 62 cents.
• An official from the International Atomic Energy Agency arrived in Tehran, Iran today to find answers after Western intelligence reports suggested that the country had been secretly studying how to make nuclear bombs. The average price of a pint of the amber elixir in that country is $7.71.
• Pope Benedict has returned to Vatican City after a goodwill tour in the US. A glass of hops in the Holy See goes for $3.30.
• Oh, and Bhutan, along with being the world’s newest democracy, is also home to some cheap booze – the average price of a pint there is $0.73.

All the beer you can drink! (Or so you'd think...)

It’s something that every blurry-eyed soak with the wherewithal to dream wishes for: the day somebody says he will pick up every bar tab that comes before him till the day he drops dead. Paying for one’s beer-guzzling habit is undoubtedly the least appealing aspect of heavy drinking (next to the dry heaves) and the wish to drink as much as possible on as little money as possible explains why when it comes to mass producing beer, there are no standards too low if a cheap price-tag can be slapped on at the end. (This fact also explains why people say they love their home-brewed beer even when they didn’t have a clue what they were doing when they made it and resent having to drink such cheap slop).

Croucher Brewery Company in New Zealand recently drew international headlines and more free publicity than it could have hoped for* when it offered a “lifetime supply” of beer to the person who returned a laptop that someone had spirited off its premises (Full story here). The laptop contained information the young brewery deemed valuable, including its design and financial info, and, while no media outlet has suggested this and we are going on a ledge of pure conjecture here, proof that the moon landing was done on a Hollywood soundstage.

Now before all of your tongues drop to the floor in one Homer-Simpson-like thud, consider what this brewery considers a “lifetime supply”: 12 beers a month for the rest of the recipient’s natural life.

Twelve a month! We here at TheSharkBook are frankly insulted by that stingy offering on behalf of the petty thieves of New Zealand, as between the two of us we use about that amount in the various beer-based stews and beer-battered dishes consumed on a monthly basis. The twelver is known throughout the drinking world as woefully inadequate for the purposes of serious drinking on a good night and the brewery’s offer makes one wonder if they truly know their target demographic (for anecdotes related to the backbone of their industry we refer them to The Shark Book).

*Editor's Note: For the price of one case of its promising looking beer sent to each of us, we hear at TheSharkBook.com are willing to discuss changing every 10^th noun we use in blogs to the name of the brewery’s favorite label.